Things are Changing...

Hi. It's been a while since I have posted on here and I am terribly sorry for that. Life gets in the way and sometimes I feel like I have nothing to say.

Today I do have some things to say, mainly because I have had a lot on my mind and things have been kind of crazy. I had the most stressful/ hardest/ miserable time of my entire life last semester during school. My anxiety got worse and my depression came back. I tried to be social/ actually care about things but I just couldn't. It was hard to get out of bed in the morning. When I came back from class (if I actually went) all I would do is sleep or lay in bed. It got bad, so bad that my roommates actually contacted my MOTHER about my behavior. At the time I was so upset. How could my friends betray my trust? At the time I was upset, but now I am happy that they told someone, because I have a better outlook on my life.

Some major changes in my life have happened since that time in a span of 3 months.

    First and foremost (and probably the biggest change for me), I have decided to change my major. I originally came to school wanting to be a music major, specifically music therapy. I wanted to help people with music, and I thought I would be really good at it. Turns out I was wrong. Learning music theory was almost impossible for me, and learning suddenly became difficult. The thing I had once loved, was now stressing me out and tearing me down. Over Christmas break I had gotten an email from my advisor about how I wasn't doing well and how I should think about switching majors. At first I was devastated. What else could I do? I don't like to think I am good at anything else.
      However, I am now moving into a different major. After a lot of thought thinking I am now working on changing my major from Music therapy to Business with a concentration in Arts and Entertainment. I like that, maybe I could be good at managing bands and such. Who knows we will see.

While all of this was happening my anxiety was acting up. I am not sure I have mentioned this before on here, but I have generalized anxiety disorder and agoraphobia. With that comes waves of depression due to my anxiety acting up and restricting me from doing things I usually love. As mentioned before, things spiraled out of control. But now I am going through more intensive therapy and possibly some new medication. Who knows if it will work, because right now anxiety is still winning at everything.

If you made it this far , thanks for taking the time to read my word vomit, but I also want to end on a more positive note. I feel like this blog post was very negative, so I think I'll say what I want this blog to be about now, and what I will write about.

I want this blog to be about me. About my feelings, hopes and dreams. About what makes me sad, anxious, scared, excited and happy. Maybe writing out everything like I am talking to someone and posting it will make me happier. No one really knows, but I glad with the decisions I have made over the past few months.

I hope you are all doing well and that you are happy and healthy. If you aren't remember that things will get better. If you don't think they will, try to make them that way. I have been lately. And right now, I've never been happier.

Thanks for reading. I hope you all have beautiful lives.
Marissa xoxo